She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
