So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
