only you would photoshop your dick
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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