She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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