It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
