Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
