Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
