sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
