it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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