I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know her cup size but not her name....
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