Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
