Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
