i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
