OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
