it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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