I hate all girls vehemently.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
