my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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