Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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