time to smoke my breakfast
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
