I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I did not marry a roomba.
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