Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
