I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
