Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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