just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
