We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
