Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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