Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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