WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
