i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
