I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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