Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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