Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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