we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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