I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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