As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
