It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You were trust falling into bushes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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