I just threw up on my dentist
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dick very happy bro
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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