at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
