I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
