How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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