wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
