i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
