Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
