also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
