i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
