I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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