I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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