you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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