toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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