when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
