i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
